I used to be social. Really social. Loved going out, could go out every night, visit friends, go for a coffee, grab a drink, go to a movie, anything. Lately, I have been anything but.
Tonight, I had a work party. A fun party. Open bar, good friends, great food, and usually mediocre music. I went, had a great meal, chatted with people, then after the speeches for retirements I left. This is not like me. Usually, I’d stay to the end, dance, and have fun.
Tonight, I just wasn’t really feeling it. It’s not that the party was different, it was just that I would rather be home, on my couch, drinking tea and enjoying the quiet that descends on my house when the boys are asleep.
I wanted to curl up and read a book. Shut off the world for awhile.
photo credit: Vivi Calderón via photopin cc
I wonder if this is age, the exhaustion of parenting or the demands of my job.
When do things change? Do they change when you leave University and start working? Do they change when you have kids? (https://firework.com) Do they change when you hit a certain age?
For me, I think it is a combination of things. I don’t think I am depressed but my mood has been low with all of the stress in my family. I am also tired, so tired, three years of tired. And, three years of never being alone.
I’m looking forward to the summer. To days at the beach, to the slowing of the pace of life. To margaritas with friends, and reading some great books. Maybe with some time away from the busyness I will be ready to start the Fall more social.
Have you become less social with age, with kids, with life?
I know I got a lot less social as I grew up – but anxiety and depression and mental illness hit me in my early 20s – so that had a lot to do with it. I do believe though that people just get busy with life – I wouldn’t say less social so much as just differently social….
bewilderedbug I like that term – ‘differently social’ so interesting. I feel my whole life since kids can start with the word ‘differently’ :)
I think it is a great step that you went to the party at all. Even that is tough when you’re in a slump. Just try to make yourself do some things little by little. And also, there is nothing wrong with curling up with a book!
Kate Another Clean Slate So true! I’m usually glad I went it is just getting the energy to go and knowing its okay to go home early!
I have become less social, but I don’t regret it. I am happy where I am now. I believe life moves forward. Looking back just takes us somewhere we don’t belong anymore.
If you miss being social, of course you can change it. But if you don’t miss it, I don’t think you should feel like there’s something wrong with you. Be who you want to be, not who you think you’re supposed to be.
I hope you get some quiet time soon. Lots of it. In a happy, positive way.
Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
misssrobin Thank you for the quiet time wishes. I agree, you do need to be who you are. I think my social self is hiding under my tired self.
I can relate as well. Not sure if I’ve been one to be the last to leave a party, but I do enjoy when I get to hang with friends. Still, I find this stage of parenthood and the juggle exhausting. I crave a little solo time to decompress and just sit with myself. Not sure if I have the answer as to when it gets easier. If you discover that great mystery, let us know. :) Stopping by from SITS.
@breadwinningmom
breadwinningmom It is a mystery isn’t it? Such a strange thing and one that seems to affect lots of moms. Thank goodness I am not alone!
Omg. Me too! I was the social butterfly, and somehow in these past few years, I’ve slowly become someone who begrudges social obligations, gatherings and even running errands. I would much rather be at home in my cozies, on my couch. What is THAT? I’ve wondered if it’s the ball and chain otherwise known as my laptop that keeps me from getting out and doing more these days. It’s my go-to. I used to do stuff because I was bored, or needing social interaction, but now it’s all right here in my laptop.
jackieandmike An interesting theory – I wonder if that is part of it. I have found I read less books now that I blog more frequently, but not sure if it has impacted my social life. Love that you included running errands in your list. The only reason I enjoy errands still is because I can get a Starbucks while I do them. Self-bribery!
BusyMomofTwins1 jackieandmike I’m right there with you with the reading, Kerrie. I used to always have a book on the go. Now the only time I read is July and August when my daycare closes and I stop blogging on a regular basis. I looove having a stack of books to get lost in for the summer, but I just can’t focus during the rest of the year because my blog is always “calling to me”. – jackie
Yes and no. I have two chatterbox little girls, so I get lots of talking while I’m at home and sometimes I just want quiet too. But other times I want more interaction – an adult to talk to who doesn’t ask “Why?” 400 times a day or say “What?” to every answer I give. :)
Koala Bear Writer So true. Adult conversation is pretty awesome.
I love to stay at home and read, too. It just seems so much more relaxing than interacting, after a long work week. I’m visiting from Sits Girls. I hope you get a chance to stop by my blog and check it out, too.
~ Megin of<a href=”http://vmg206.com/”> VMG206</a>
Yeah, we think about going out but really need to make the effort. No pass midnight outings here lol
Gingermommy I used to make fun of people who went to the ‘early movie’ now I am those people!
I’ve never really been social. Now we don’t go anywhere or do anything so I’m bored.
I think once you have kids it is harder to get out. And even if you do get out, you know you need to be up first thing in the morning with them… makes it a little less fun!
A nice break with nothing to do but relax can be sooooooo rejuvenating, and sometimes that’s all it takes. I have my ‘I’d rather be reading a book’ moments too. :)
LOL! I hear ya! This Christmas my husbands work had a Christmas party at a hotel in Niagra Falls. It was our first time away from the kids in a long while. We made a weekend out of it. Wine tour during the day, dinner with his work at the hotel that night. After dinner (10ish), everyone was deciding to go out or what not. I let my husband venture off and spend the night enjoying the silence in my room reading a book. I needed to unwind! I think its a combo of age and kids!
jennvanhuss That sounds like exactly what I would do! So glad you think it is a combo of kids and age, that said, I guess my attitude won’t improve as me and/or the kids get older!
I have definitely become less social since having my son last March. All but two of my friends disappeared once they found out I was “that pregnant girl” and haven’t heard a peep from them since. I’ve had to relearn how to make friends – being a mom this time – so my social life is little to nothing. And to top it off, I had a baby as a teenager so it’s very hard to make mommy friends. But the few friends I do have, are GREAT company.
It’s so hard to find the right balance and to choose the right friends for the support you need. Love that you have great company around you now.
I don’t think you are less of a social person, I just think that you are socializing less. There is a difference and your priorities have changed. As you say, with the stress of family, raising the twins etc., it’s understandable that when given the option of meeting up with friends or grabbing a few hours of quiet by yourself with a book, the latter will win out. It is important though to schedule time for just you and for just you and your husband. Make a point to meet up with friends at least once a month, sometimes you may just all get together and complain about how tired you are but at least you are out of your routine and among friends. Have a date night blocked off for you and your husband once a week. Even if the date night is dinner alone once the kids are tucked in for the night.
Paula recently posted..University Cookies for Those Leaving and Entering
For me this happens once I’m comfortable in am adult relationship. Though the mommy exhaustion certainly hasn’t helped. One thing that does help is socializing with others who are at the same place in their lives whether that’s alone or as a couple. Doesn’t have to be a Saturday night out. But it does have to be kid-free.
femmefrugality recently posted..Goodwill or Badwill?
Yes, I agree – socializing with other people in the same stage as me is helpful and comforting. Especially since they understand why I’m tired and want to wear comfy pants :)
Honestly, it is all relative. I need to have some social time with my book club, my blogger friends but then there are times that I just need to be close to my hubby & my kids… taking it all in. Its an adjustment. Its not bad just different.
Margarita Ibbott ~ @DownshiftingPRO recently posted..Summer #Giveaway–Win $100 Amazon Gift Card
I’ve been thinking about this, and I’m finding myself alone so much since becoming a stay at home mom. When I worked, I was always around other people! I need to get out more :)
I feel the exact same way. For me, it’s definitely since having kids that I’ve become a lot less social. The only difference is that I probably wouldn’t have even gone to the party in the first place, I probably would have come up with some sort of excuse in order to justify it to myself as to why I couldn’t or shouldn’t go. At least you went to the party and had a nice time, that’s a start! :)
I have become a hermit and I hardly go out anymore, especially the last few years.