It never fails, when you are thinking about babies, they are babies everywhere. In the news, on the streets, in the media. Everywhere.
From the women at the museum this morning, to the ads in the newest Today’s Parent, to the Royal Baby announcement. Babies these days are everywhere.
My boys will be three in March. I am 36. It is time to make a decision once and for all about whether or not we are going to have more children. It is a tough one for sure, on so many levels.
First: Twins run in my family. For generations. I got pregnant with my boys easily, without any medical intervention and I had twins. My doctor has suggested that it is probably an 85% chance to have multiples again. Yes, you read that right – 85% chance. Pretty sure that another set of twins would put me in a mental institution.
We always thought this was a captured baby conversation — “So…I was thinking maybe we should keep our parents up all night!”
“Oooh what a great idea brother, let’s do it!”
Second: I am unfortunately not getting any younger. Even if I got pregnant now I would be 37 when it/they were born making me 41 when they are in school full time. As someone who has always defined themselves by their career this terrifies me. And, my husband has already give up a lot to stay home without boys while I work.
Third: Not sure how our lifestyle could handle more people. From our car, to the number of bedrooms, to the type of travel we enjoy. Another child would change all of that. Not to mention money. Kids cost money. A lot of money. So much that thinking about it makes my head spin. (boxmining.com)
Fourth: I had a good pregnancy with the boys until the very end. At which point I developed high blood pressure and had an extremely traumatic birth for the boys and myself. I don’t know that any of that would happen again but it scares the life out of me to even think about it.
But, despite all of those reasons I really feel strongly that we should try to have another child.
I’ve thought about it, laid awake wondering, I’ve dreamt about it, and in the end my heart and my mind are telling me different things.
How does one make such a life changing decision?
I think you will always feel that missing piece until you have the babies you are meant to have. you can work out the other details, but there’s an ache when you want another baby that doesn’t go away until that baby comes.
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Dara, I so hope so! Hoping some real, introspective thinking over the holidays will lead me to an answer.
Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel recently posted..Ice Age 4: Continental Drift Blu Ray Giveaway
I wrote about the same thing a few months ago on my blog. We have two beautiful children who are just a year and a half old. We got pregnant with our third only to find out it was going to be the third AND fourth! :) No twins in our family, just chance for us. We are excited and nervous and have to deal with a lot of the things you mentioned, bigger car, etc, but children are always a blessing, even if it’s tough going at times. :)
Sorry, meant to say the kids are a year and a half apart.
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Taara,
Love your ultrasound picture! yes, it is so true, you do adjust. Congratulations on your twins. Being a twin mom is an amazing experience.
Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel recently posted..Babies, Babies Everywhere
I am the happy (and tired) mother of 3 children. I had my first when I was 30 and my last when I was 37. You WILL know when you’ve had your last child. If you’re not sure, then I think you’re ready for another. As much as I would love another child, my husband and I KNEW that he was our last one. I will tell you that being 37 and pregnant with two older children to care for was MUCH more tiring. It’s amazing how much of a difference 7 years can make on your body. But you can handle tired, and the reward is more than worth it, of course. The joy that you share with your older children as your prepare for a new baby is energizing and will help carry you through the physically draining parts. I wish you all the best. Plus, being an “older” mom keeps you young. :)
Thanks Susan. I feel tired just thinking about the possibility of being pregnant and chasing after my boys. ;)
Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel recently posted..Babies, Babies Everywhere
It’s such an individual thing. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, after I had my second that that was it. NO MORE. I even sent the husband to the vas-man when Jake was only about six months old. But I have friends who still have baby pangs, even though our “babies” are in third grade.
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Nicole,
Yes, I think it is an individual thing. I think that it is has so much to do with not wanting to have any regrets. It is funny because when they were infants I was praying for the stage where they would be more independent, almost in school etc. etc. But, I didn’t bank on wanting more children!
This is such a hard decision! I hope the other commenters are right, and that deep down you just know. Listen to your heart, your mind will figure out budgets/houses/cars when it is pushed to! :)
Sarah Lynn recently posted..YYZ Bambina featured on Kids On A Plane’s Meet the Blogger series
Me too Sarah. It is so hard. I wish I had more time but definitely feel it is soon or not at all.
I totally understand this delima! I too am a twin mommy and I had my twins after I already had a daughter. I originally thought I wanted four kids but having three was so much work. Did I mention that my kids are only 21 months apart? One night we were all sitting at the dinner table when I looked around and realized that no one was missing. It was a moment of clarity that made me realize that we really were done having children. I think when you know-you know. That was two years ago and I haven’t doubted the decision yet. Hopefully you’ll have a moment of clarity like that sometime soon.
Twingle Mommy recently posted..When Your Son Rides the Short Bus
Such a beautiful comment, thank you. I have moments where I feel that this is the family I was meant to have, and other moments where I think no, there is someone missing. Praying for a moment of clarity soon. Driving myself nuts with this decision!
Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel recently posted..Co-Hosting That Friday Blog Hop
This is a very difficult decision for sure. Especially when twins run in your family and you have a high chance of having twins again. I loved that line about the mental institution if you had 2 more kids. LOL
My first pregnancy had a lot of problems. In my 3rd trimester I was put on bedrest because of high blood pressure, borderline gestational diabetes, carpal tunnel etc. And then when it was d day (I was induced because my blood pressure was too high) we had a scare in the delivery room (code pink was issued and they had to resuscitate our daughter for two minutes). After that I thought we would have stopped at 1 child. She also had colic so for 3 months I was going crazy trying to figure out why she wanted to keep me up for 90 days straight.
I told everyone I was done. I didn’t want to risk going through that again. I couldn’t handle it emotionally. And then 3 years later she told me her friends have little brothers and sisters and asked when she was going to have one. And just like that I forgot about everything that happened during pregnancy, delivery and the first 3 months and got pregnant. Second time around it was smooth sailing. No problems during pregnancy or delivery. Just one REALLY active and energetic boy. Haven’t regretted the decision at all but I think I am stopping at 2 because I really have no energy now ;)
I will agree with other commenters. You just know. And the money, travel, lifestyle issues will take care of themselves. They always do.
Cheryl recently posted..See in Toronto: The Bay Christmas Windows
Cheryl, Thank you so much for this honest and heartfelt post. So wonderful to hear that things went so differently for your second pregnancy. Thank you xo
Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel recently posted..Co-Hosting That Friday Blog Hop
Babies are expensive, yes, and having a difficult labour and early delivery is stressful and scary – I totally understand – but everything happens for a reason and we’re dealt the cards we are. Children are wonderful, and if you want to have more, and you’re blessed with this opportunity, take it. You have lots of love to give. Sometimes, the hardest decisions we have to make depend on the heart, not the head :) Good luck Kerrie.
Julia, such a wonderful way to look at it. My planning control freak self is starting to think I should just “throw caution to the wind” and see what happens!
Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel recently posted..Co-Hosting That Friday Blog Hop
It is so, so hard to make this decision, I know. And you have brought up good points, including just really feeling like you want to have another! Hoping it all becomes a little clearer soon. Thanks for linking up with the #MTMmixer :)
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