Today I did something I have never done before. I skipped with a skipping rope continuously. This might seem like an odd thing to write about as a thirty-something female, but it’s true. As a child I always shied away from skipping, opting to turn the rope (the job no one wants to do) to avoid having to try skipping. I always jumped too high or not fast enough. I was athletically talented, but skipping did not fit into that category.
Tonight, at my 11th Cross Fit training class I skipped 200 times with only a few breaks. It was amazing. I got into a groove, I focused and set my mind to it and I skipped. It was a breakthrough.
Cross Fit has challenged me to do things I would never dream of (and most I still have a long way to go still) like pull ups, push ups with rings, kettle bell swings, dead lifts, weight lifting moves, and many more. Each class I am continuously pushed outside of my comfort zone, challenged in ways I haven’t been challenged since I was rowing competitively. I have sweat more in that gym in three weeks than I have sweat in all the gyms and work outs combined over the last 10 years. It is exhausting and exhilarating. It is exactly the kind of workout I have been searching for. A workout that is so tough that all I can focus on and think about is form, strength, and counting reps. I never would have thought I would have joined Cross Fit, but I am so glad that I did.
I am very insecure about my body. I weigh approximately 120 lbs more than I did in high school. In high school I was slim, fit, confident and athletic. I was also hiding an eating disorder that has affected me my whole life. I am a binge eater. I spend most of my days being “good” and eating the proper food in the proper portions and about 2-5% (depending on stress levels) binging. I am ashamed of it. I hate the way my body looks and I wish I could be thinner. Much thinner.
While I know the person I was in high school is not the healthiest version of me, I know that I need to get this weight off. For my boys, but also for me.
I worry that my weight is holding me back in my career and my life. That I don’t take chances or ‘put myself out there’ like I used to. I know that my weight is affecting my relationship with some of the people I love most in this world.
I am committed to my fitness, I am conscious of my eating and tracking all food and water consumption. I know this is a journey but I can feel the strength coming back to my body. I know that I am so much stronger physically and mentally than I was fifteen years ago. It’s my time now to be the best version of me there is. People talk about New Year’s Resolutions, but I think a Fall resolution is also fitting. Mine is to commit to Cross Fit 3x a week and make conscious decisions about my food intake.
What are your Fall resolutions?